sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
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If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
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I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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