I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
