after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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