You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
