Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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