ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
