Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
