Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
