it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?