toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.