I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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