you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
