Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
