It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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