You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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