well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
