Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Boobs are out for the taking
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
