Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
