Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
