I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
