Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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