i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
