I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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