so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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