Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
