Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize