Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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