i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
