his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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