I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
