a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
