i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
