It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
