Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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