I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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