so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Randomize
