Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
