i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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