I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
