you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
