So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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