how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
