Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
