why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
