Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
