so explain again why im purple
no
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
