I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
