remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He shit in the fireplace
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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