I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
