I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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