she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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