I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
