my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
