my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
