Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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