But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
