Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
