Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
