cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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