That's intense
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
