he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
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Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
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Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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