wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
