He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
