i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Randomize
