Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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