Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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