Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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