So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
