The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
