Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
