I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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