and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
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But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
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so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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