Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
