batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
