dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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