Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
