trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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