I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
