well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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