well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
