i just wanna soil my oats bro
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
