i used baking grease as lip gloss
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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